A time to heal
by momofboys
Summary: After tragedy hits the team, can four of the team members put the puzzles of their hearts back together, or will one tragedy ruin their lives forever?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I have struggled writing this because I am a fan of happily ever after. I get completely carried away with the characters when I write, and they become as real to me as if I am sitting in the room with them (sounds weird I guess). So having to say goodbye to any of them saddens me. However, this story has been playing in my head for a while, and I need to get it out! So…here goes. Hope you don't hate me after this chapter. _

Bobby smiled over to Tara, though her eyes were glued to her computer. It was nice to have her back in the bullpen. She had been transferred back to their unit just this week, and they were both excited to be working together again. Being married, there was no official policy against them being in the same unit, though it was unusual. When her old position came open, Tara took a chance and applied, and was happily accepted back to the "family".

Bobby smiled when he remembered why she would not be going on the field for the next 6 months. It was hard to believe that he and Jack would become fathers just a few months apart. It seemed appropriate. They had been best friends for years, and both had found the love of their lives right in this very office. It just seemed natural to both be expecting little ones at the same time.

Tara, Sue and Lucy had all been so close before they were married, but now with Lucy having a newborn, and Sue and Tara pregnant, their bond had become stronger. Jack and Bobby were, of course, not as open about their bond, but both of them knew it was as strong as ever. He was glad to have such a friend.

Looking towards the clock he was glad to see it was nearing lunch time. He stood and strode purposefully towards Tara's desk. "Hey Beautiful, want to grab some lunch?"

"Oh I'm sorry." She looked up sweetly, a sly grin on her face. "I am married."

"Lucky bloke!" The tall Aussie laughed. "Maybe he wouldn't mind." He tried to give her the cutest puppy dog look he could muster, which only made her giggle.

"I would love to go, but I can't. I have a meeting this afternoon, and I am swamped with paperwork. You mind bringing me something?"

"Tar," He put on his most demanding voice, "You need to take care of yourself." He came around her desk and placed his hand on her tummy. There was still no visible curve there, but he knew it would not be long. "And my little boy."

She swatted his hand away, and smiled up at him. "I am taking care of myself, and our little girl, but I need to get this done. I will take a break when I get finished. You go ahead and eat. And don't forget to pick me up a burger."

He laughed as he leaned over to kiss her. Burgers were her new favorite food. "I know I know. Lots of pickles right?"

"Right. And mustard. But no ketchup!! And a chocolate shake sounds good."

"I love you, Beautiful." He kissed her again.

Deciding to take advantage of a nearly empty office, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. When she finally pulled away, he saw the desire in her eyes. "I love you more. And I will finish this tonight." Her eyes sparkled, and he wished with all his heart it was time to go home.

On the way out, he met Sue and Jack. "You guys headed for lunch?"

Jack smiled towards his pregnant wife, "Yeah, apparently Sue here could eat an elephant."

"Well I am already as big as a whale, so what is one more elephant now?" Sue laughed playfully.

"I think you look beautiful Sue." Bobby smiled down at his friends.

"Hey, that is my wife you are talking to buddy!" Jack joked playfully. "But you are right. She is beautiful. If you want to join us, we are going to Slappy's."

"Sounds great to me, Mate. Tara wants me to bring her a burger back, and she does adore Slappy's. Let's go."

"I have to run by the bullpen. If I can trust you with my wife, I will meet you guys there in a few minutes."

Bobby got a silly grin on his face, "Go on mate. I will make sure the pretty Sheila gets to lunch safe and sound."

Jack reached over and kissed Sue quickly. "See you in a few minutes Sweetheart," he signed., and then left Bobby and Sue together.

"Shall we?" Bobby asked. Together they got on the elevator and walked to Slappy's.

Upon arrival, Bobby noticed Myles sitting alone at a table in the corner. "Myles, why don't you join us." He heard Sue say from beside him.

Myles started towards the table, just as Bobby heard a loud crashing sound behind him. Turning he saw the truck heading towards him and Sue. Without a second thought, he pushed Sue out of the way, falling hard on top of her. Opening his eyes, he panicked as he saw that it was a gas truck. It was precariously close to the kitchen….a kitchen with a large brick oven. There was no time to think of what to do. Only time to react. Sue was still underneath him, and he knew that the best way to save her was to keep her that way. He scooted both of them as far as he could, trying to reach some point of safety, but it happened too quick. The explosion riveted his body. He felt pain for the briefest of seconds. The last thing he said was, "Tara, I love you." Then he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Looking around the bullpen, Jack felt empty and alone. Not because he was the only one in the office, but because he really was empty and alone. Had been for the better part of two years. Closing his eyes he tried to remember how it had happened. How things had gotten so messed up. When had it happened that he did not want to go home at night? Just a few years ago he would have never imagined an evening that he would have preferred to be in a dark, empty bullpen rather than at home with Sue. Yet, here he was. Wishing he could just find one more reason to stay a few extra minutes.

He tried to remember what it had been like….before. In his minds eye he could see the happy faces. Tara peering around the computer screen, happily sharing the latest bit of information she had pulled magically from the computer screen. Myles, sharing his Harvard education with the rest of the world, whether or not anyone wanted to hear it. Dimitrius, always with a word of encouragement, and a quiet humble spirit. Lucy, with a wide grin, ready to match him and Sue. Suddenly his eyes opened. He had to get out of here. As much as he wanted to remember those good times, he couldn't. It was history. Sue would be at home with supper, probably angry with him for not calling to let her know he would be late. At least she would talk to him tonight. After all, some nights they barely spoke two words to each other. How did it come to this?

He knew the answer to the question even before his mind asked. She had died that day….just like Bobby. Just like their baby. Though her body had healed for the most part, her heart had never recovered. And now, their marriage was just a facade. They rarely talked, rarely touched. Oh, most people thought they were fine. They put on their "happily married" faces when they were out. At church, they had even been asked to mentor some of the newly married couples. They had bowed out gracefully, giving an excuse of their work schedules being so hectic that they did not have time. Never giving an inkling to others of the truth. They were falling apart.

Gathering his things, his heart heavy, he looked around once more. His eyes rested on the place Bobby had sat. Tomorrow he would go to the memorial, and remember. He would relive the moment he saw the building blow up. His heart would feel the pain again. Two years, and yet he could still feel the heat on his face, as he ran towards the burning building. He could hear his own voice screaming Sue's name. Still feel the nausea as he saw her. Bobby was laying on top of her. He was already gone. His heart constricted as he remembered pulling Sue out from under his friend, and seeing the pain plastered on her face. Never would he forget the look on the doctor's face when he told Jack that the son she was carrying was dead. Nor would he forget the look on Sue's face when she realized that she would never have the opportunity to hold her son. Never be able to conceive again.

"Jack, you gonna be ok?" D's voice came from the hallway, bringing Jack to the present.

"Yeah, just finishing up." He tried to smile, but he knew D would see the tears. He also knew D would understand as much as anyone.

"Jack, go home to Sue. I will see you at the service tomorrow." Jack could see the depth of concern in D's eyes. "Sue needs you tonight." Hearing those words, he felt like a knife cut him through the heart.

"D, I'm not sure." He could see D's questioning eyes. Feeling he could not hold it in anymore, he made a quick decision to talk to his friend. "She barely speaks to me D. We lead separate lives. I--I don't know what to do."

The look of understanding in D's eyes reminded Jack of the days that D had his own marital issues. He and Donna had made it through, but he knew there had been some rough times. "Jack, she needs you and you need her. You just have to find each other again. You have to fight for it Jack." He paused, making sure he had Jack's full attention. "Remember what you said to me all those years ago. How you wished you had what I had." Jack remembered well those words, and nodded. "You have that now Jack. Don't lose it."

Looking into D's eyes, his heart felt as heavy as led. He had a wife, but he did not have what D had. And he never would. No children would ever grace his house, and his wife hated him. "See ya tomorrow D." It was all he could say. He needed to get home. Needed to get the evening over with. Needed to go for a run.


	3. Chapter 3

"All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." Sue finished signing the book to the child in front of her. His blue eyes sparkling up at her. She had not come here often since the accident. Being around the children caused her heart to break yet again for her own loss. It had been on a whim that she had come to the Bookworm meeting today. Knowing Jack would probably stay late at work, as usual, and not sure she wanted to face an empty house, she had tried to think of something she could do. Somehow, she had ended up here, reading a story that seemed to fit her own life. Humpty Dumpty had shattered into a million pieces, just as her heart had shattered. No one could put him together again. He was hopeless, just like Sue. Of course, no one had ever tried to put her back together…not even Jack.

She knew why. His best friend had died saving her life. How could he forgive her for that? He had lost the hope of a family, which she knew he wanted more than anything. How could he love her? Now he spent countless hours at the bullpen, a place that she had not stepped into since that day. D and Jack were the only two that had remained on the same team. Not wanting to be with her, Jack had poured himself into his job. The looks of love and longing that she had seen years before had been replaced by looks of disappointment and hopelessness.

Looking at her watch, she realized it was later than she thought, and decided to head home. She had not left a note to let Jack know where she was, and though he might not care, it just seemed wrong. Not knowing if he would care one way or the other whether she was home still did not give her a right to not show a little respect.

Walking in the door, she looked around. He wasn't home. Of course, he wasn't home. Anger rose up in her. Without thinking, her eyes drifted to the picture that hung above the mantel. There they were, a lifetime ago. She wore a beautiful white gown, he a tux. Love glowed in their eyes, as they held each other close. Memories flooded her. Happy memories. Their first night together. The way he held her and told her that he loved her more than life itself. How he had comforted her when they had to put Levi down. The joy in his eyes when she told him he was going to be a father. The way it felt when he loved her…when she loved him.

Suddenly, her thoughts moved to two years ago. Two years ago tonight. They had spent the evening shopping for baby furniture. Laughing, planning. Never would she forget the way his eyes had lit up as he talked to her tummy. Always making sure she could see what he was saying. Assuring their baby how much he was loved. That night, he had talked to her tummy for a while, then he had moved up to talk to her. "I think it might be best if I changed jobs. Maybe get a supervisor position. Something more stable. Less time away, and less dangerous."

"But Jack, you love being on the field. Would you be satisfied being behind a desk?" She had asked concerned.

"Sweetheart, I want to be here to see my baby grow up. To have more babies with you. I want to go to his ball games. I don't want to look back and wish I had done things differently." His eyes were so sincere, and held so much love, it had touched Sue, bringing tears. "Know another reason I want to be home every night?" She shook her head, unable to speak. "So I don't miss this." He smiled seductively, then moved in to kiss her passionately. After showing each other how much they loved each other, they had fallen asleep in each others arms. Neither realizing how life would change in less than 24 hours.

Snapping back to the present, she felt him in the room with her. He had not made himself known, and her chocolate lab, Buster, rarely told her when Jack came in. Sue guessed it was because Jack was supposed to be there. It didn't matter. She could always feel him. Maybe it was the last bit of the connection that they used to have. Turning, she saw him, already peeling off his dress shirt, heading towards the bedroom. "Going for a jog?" Even though she could not hear her voice, she knew that her tone was angry.

Looking up at her, his eyes seemed angry too. "Yeah, want me to take Buster?"

"If that is not too much trouble. And I think I am going to call for take out tonight. Pizza ok?" As she said that, she caught a look of sadness pass over his face. Maybe he was remembering the many times they had ordered pizza together…back before…when they were just friends. Friends who loved each other fiercely.

"Sure. That's fine," he signed. He turned as he continued to undress on the way to their bedroom. She knew he would not even notice that she was staring. His body was still exquisite. It still made her heart skip a beat. She caught his eyes in the mirror. He had seen her admiring him. Turning away from him, she went to order the pizza, wishing he wanted her…wishing she could make him happy again, but knowing she would never be enough anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

It always hit him at the strangest times. He did things so differently now. Even the simple things like dressing were different now. His whole life had changed. As he buttoned his shirt he saw the scars on his hand. The scars went on up his arm, and spread across his chest. And those were just the scars on the outside. Strapping on his prosthetic leg, he thought about that day.

He had been at Slappy's when Sue and Bobby had gotten there. Heard her voice calling to him. When he had turned towards them, he had seen it coming. Wanted to tell them. But it was too fast. The truck slammed into the building as he stood by helpless. He remembered realizing the gravity of the situation. Not thinking of his own safety, he had ran towards the front of the restaurant. Remembering the young girl and her mother that had been sitting nearest the kitchen. But he never got to them. The explosion throwing him back on the ground as the searing pain washed over the right half of his body. He felt as if he was on fire. Desiring to move, he had squirmed under a weight that seemed to be pushing him down, but it was useless. There was nothing he could do. There was little else he remembered until he woke up in the hospital. Then he remembered the pain. Both physically and emotionally. Realizing that they couldn't save his leg. Finding out about his friends. It had all been too much. The depression that had engulfed him had been nearly more than he could survive. When his fiancé had decided it was too much for her to handle, he had nearly killed himself. Probably would have if he had not still been in the hospital, under constant supervision. Somehow though, he had made it. Made it to the two year anniversary.

Anniversary? What a word to describe this day. Anniversary was a word you used for happy occasions, like the day you were married. It seemed it was inappropriate to use that word for the day that the world came to a stop. The day a man that he considered as close as a brother left the world. That moment in time he became half a man. No, anniversary was not the right word. But then, he couldn't think of a correct word for this moment.

Surveying himself in the mirror, he was surprised by what he saw. With his suit on, he almost looked like the Myles Leland the third that had lived before that fateful day. Only the scars on his hand visible. Until he looked into his eyes. Those eyes were still haunted by the images of that day. Empty eyes. That is the way he would describe what he saw staring back at him. Somehow, even after two years, he felt like he was going to wake up. Bobby would be there to harass him about something. Using some Aussie slang that Myles would have to decipher. He would still be working as a field agent in DC. Soon, he would wake up and his world would be right again. He just had to wake up.


	5. Chapter 5

Walking past Slappy's was always the hardest part of her day. Not once in the last two years had she walked by without seeing it in her mind. The building had been rebuilt, and business resumed as usual. Pictures of the victims were hung on the wall as a tribute, but people came in and out everyday without much more than a glance at them. Eight people had lost their lives. One of them had been the only man she had ever loved. Yet people just went on with life. Feeling the small hand holding her own, she was glad that they did. In some small way, going on with life helped. The bright eyed little boy staring up at her needed her to live, and so she did. Some days he was the only reason she got up in the morning, but he was worth it.

Reaching down, she picked up the 18 month old child, and looked deep in his eyes. Eyes that she had looked into so often in the past. Eyes that haunted her sleep even now. Eyes just like his father's. "Hey buddy. We gotta get movin' or we're going to be late." Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to the Hoover building and made her way to the room where she would meet the people who had been so much like family for so long.

Walking into the room, she noted all the pictures that were collected on the walls. Most of them were pictures of men and women who she never knew. A few she had seen. One was a friend. And one was the love of her life. Her feet moved instantly to the spot she knew his picture hung.

"Daddy!" Little Samuel burst out with a smile. She had tried to keep pictures of Bobby around so that he would at least become familiar with the face, telling him that was his daddy, and how brave he had been. Hearing him squeal his name now brought tears to her eyes.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder she turned to find Jack standing behind her. "Hey Tar. How are you doing?" His tone was subdued, and she saw the sadness in his eyes.

"We're fine Jack. How about you and Sue?" Since the accident, Sue had been distant. Tara figured that when she had Samuel it had been hard on Sue, so she never pushed it, though she desperately missed the friendship they had shared.

"Good, thanks." Somehow his answer seemed strained, but now was not the time to decipher deeper meaning into his words, so she let it go. They stood for a few more seconds together, then Jack walked over to the picture of Wes, and left her to her own thoughts.

So many memories swirled around in her mind, it was hard to grasp onto one. Memories of the day she met him. The times they worked closely together. The first kiss. Wondering if he loved her. The moment he told her. Feeling as if her heart was being squeezed to the breaking point, she returned her gaze to the toddler in her arms. A spark of joy in her life, in the midst of all the pain.

"Tara." The voice behind her was unmistakably Myles. He had moved to NY after he got out of the hospital, and she rarely saw him. Turning to him now, she saw he was quite near to her. Putting her one free arm around him, she hugged him, surprised that he quickly moved closer and hugged her back. There were tears in both their eyes when they stepped back. She was slightly surprised when she realized how much she had missed this man. But then, everyone in the pen was like family, and Myles was no exception. No matter what loss they suffered there would always be a connection between those team members who had learned to trust their lives to each other.

"Hey there little guy." Myles' tone was soft as he looked into Samuel's eyes. "You sure do look like your dad." Tears filled his eyes again. "How are you doing Tara?"

"We are making it. What about you? How's New York?"

"It's ok, but it isn't home. I miss this place. Miss all of you." He gestured to the people around the room.

"We miss you too Myles." Tara's words were cut short by Dimitrius beginning the service. Together Myels and Tara found a place to sit.

As she listened to the loving words, she looked around her. From her seat she could see Sue and Jack, Lucy and Kevin, Donna was sitting next to an empty seat that was waiting for Dimintrius. The heart ache of being alone suddenly seemed to engulf her. As if he sensed her thoughts, she felt Myles arm go around her shoulder. Suddenly very grateful he was there, she smiled towards him. Tears were falling down his face, and she realized just how alone he must feel too. Placing her hand on his, she squeezed gently, and silently thanked God that he was here. For the next thirty minutes they sat with his arm around her, gaining from each other the strength to make it through this day. Samuel slept through it all.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack's feet pounded on the surface of the track. His body ached from the intensity of his workout. Knowing he should go home, he instead pushed himself to run a little longer. Today had been the hardest ever. Sitting in the memorial service had been hard, but the fact that when he tried to hold Sue's hand, she had pulled away crushed him. Usually, in public at least, she would make an effort to look like the happily married couple most still believed they were. Now he was losing even that. And the worst part was, he had no idea how to fix it.

As was his ritual, he shoved his emotions aside with exercise. As soon as the service was over, he made his way to the gym. For the last two hours he had lifted weights, rowed, sit-ups, and anything else he could think of to keep from facing the things that were truly bothering him.

His body finally protested loud enough for him to give in, and he headed for the showers. On his way to the locker room, he did not fail to notice a few appreciative stares from some ladies walking down the hallway. This was nothing new to him. His whole adult life woman had noticed him. Partly, he supposed, because he kept himself in shape. Sue used to tell him it was his eyes. "No woman can resist those eyes, Sparky," he remembered her saying more than once. Apparently they did not have much of an affect on her anymore. On this particular day, he wondered if maybe it was time to just give up. Commitment had kept him in this marriage this long, but he wondered if it was worth it.

Shaking off his thoughts, he showered quickly and headed towards the car. Everyone from the team was getting together tonight, as they had last year after the service. Even though remembering was hard, he found it good therapy for his weary heart. Even if only for tonight, he would choose to remember the good stuff. He would revel in the stories that made them laugh. He knew, of course, that after Sue went to sleep later tonight, he would shed tears for all the laughs he might have shared if his friend had lived.

Pulling open the car door, he threw his bag inside and then settled himself behind the wheel. As he started the motor, he reached over to turn on the radio. The sound that filled his car caused his heart to stop. Memories of that first date flooded him as he heard the song that he had sung to her all those years ago.

"_Could I have this dance,_

_For the rest of my life_

_Would you be my partner every night_

_When we're together it feels so right_

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life."_

_Closing his eyes, he allowed the tears to flow. Finally releasing his broken heart. It was not hard for his mind's eye to see her, just as she had looked that night. How her face had glowed when he told her he loved her. It was this very song that had helped him express that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Putting his head in his hands he wept for the woman who she had been…for the woman he had lost. He wept for their son. He wept for himself. Two years of pent up emotions tore into his heart, rendering him unable to do more than sit there crying. _


	7. Chapter 7

It was ironic really, that some bit of life sparked in a heart that had died two years ago. That the spark began on a day commemorating the very event that had caused his heart to die. As he watched the little boy in front of him running and playing, he was surprised that he had enjoyed this day so much. Well, he had not enjoyed the whole day. The memorial had been hard, but after it was over, on a whim, he had invited Tara and little Samuel to join him for lunch. Looking back to that decision now, he realized it was more because he did not want to be alone than him actually being nice. But, whatever the reason, he had truly enjoyed himself. In fact, he had even found himself laughing and smiling at the antics of Tara and the toddler as they ate at the sandwich shop. He had forgotten how long it had been since he heard himself actually laugh. Now they were sitting in the park near her house, watching the boy as he played on the equipment.

"You ok Myles?" Tara was looking at him, and he realized that he had been staring off into space.

"Yes, I am fine. Sorry, my mind was wondering a bit. I guess I should be getting you two home."

"Well, I do need to let Samuel rest some before we go to dinner tonight. My sister is going to keep him for me, so I don't want him to be cranky."

"He gets cranky? " Myles looked towards the child again. "I mean, I know most children do get cranky with lack of sleep, but I have a hard time imagining it. He has been so pleasant today."

"He usually is. " The look in Tara's eyes showed her great love for her child. "However, if he gets tired, he is a bear! Just like his father!" Myles was surprised at the ease with which she mentioned Bobby. He knew it had to be hard, but she seemed to enjoy seeing the similarities between her son and his father.

Myles stood slowly, his body aching from the strain of the day, as it had since the accident every time he overdid it. "I might need to get a little rest before this evening too."

"You staying in a hotel?" Tara asked as she picked up the toddler and they started walking together towards house.

"Yes. My sister and her husband offered me a place, but their house is small, and with the baby, I thought it might be better if I stayed out of the way. Babies generally are not comfortable around me." He admitted the last part before he realized that Samuel was reaching for him. Smiling he took him out of Tara's arms without a second thought.

"Seems that some babies like you!" Tara smiled brightly. "Actually, I can not ever remember him going to anyone out of my arms."

"I am honored." He looked down into Samuel's eyes, and was again shocked by the similarities to his former partner and friend. Tears pooled in his eyes, as a sudden burst of sadness hit him. Immediately he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking into the green eyes that were peering up at him, he felt a twinge of something in his heart. He was not sure what it was, and he did not have time to figure it out now, but he put it in the back of his mind, hoping he would have time to consider it later.

"His eyes do that to me sometimes too. It is uncanny how much they remind me of Bobby. " Her smile was there, but there was also a sadness in her eyes. They walked towards Tara's in silence for a while. When they were close enough to see the house, she turned towards him. "Would you like to stay over at my place until it is time to go tonight? I mean, there is no reason for you to go try to rest in a hotel all alone."

"That would be nice. Thank you Tara." He was truly pleased by her offer. Though he needed the rest, and he might rest more if he were alone, he found himself not wanted to leave her company.

As they reached the house, Tara opened the door, and showed him where to place the baby who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He placed him gently in the toddler bed, then moved into the family room where Tara had set drinks out for the two of them. Looking around he saw several pictures of Samuel, as well as several pictures of Bobby. On a table in the corner of the room was a picture of the team, taken at Tara and Bobby's wedding. Instinctively going to it, he picked it up and studied the faces. When she came to join him, he turned the picture so they could both see it.

Her voice was thick with emotion when she finally spoke. "I miss this. The team. Sometimes, I am afraid I will forget what it was like back then. Other times I am afraid I will always remember."

"Do you talk to the rest of them much?"

"Lucy and I make an effort to get together a good bit. I see D and Donna at church. Donna helps me a great deal with Samuel. She has been invaluable to me. Jack and I still work in the same building, and when our paths cross we speak, but it is hard. Sue is the hardest. I think it is hard for her to see Samuel, knowing she will never have her own." There was a deep sadness as she talked of Sue. Myles knew how close they had been before, and felt for her.

"I'm sorry Tara." Turning towards her he enveloped her in a hug. Tears streamed down his face as he held her. After several minutes, they parted and Myles went to rest on the sofa. Tara sat across from him on a chair.

"When do you go back?" Tara asked between sips of tea.

"I am staying for a week. It will give me some time to visit with my sister and her family." For some reason he suddenly wanted to tell her that he would like to visit her again, but he refrained.

"If you need company, Samuel and I would be happy to make you dinner one night. Well, I would do most of the cooking, but Samuel would be happy to keep you company." Her smile warmed his heart, as well as the way she had added that Samuel would not be cooking. It reminded him of when she used to ramble on in the pen. It was something that sometimes annoyed him then, but he had missed it terribly since he had been gone.

"I would enjoy that. You name the day and the time, and I will be here."

"How about you come over tomorrow afternoon. If you want you can come to church with us tomorrow night. It is the fall concert. Samuel will be 'singing' with the other toddlers, and they will dress up and have trunk or treat. I am sure he would love to have you there."

Myles was taken aback at being invited to join them, but he was also delighted. "That sounds like a lot of fun. If I would not spoil your good time, I would be honored to go with you."

"Well, then that settles it. You can join us for morning service if you want. It starts at 10." The look on her face was almost hopeful, rendering him unable to say no.

"I will pick you up at your house at 9:30. We can make a day of it!"

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. When Samuel woke up he seemed delighted that Myles was still there, and they sat on the floor and played with blocks until Tara's sister came to watch him. He then drove her to the restaurant where they were to meet the rest of the team. As he opened the door for her, he realized that her face was not nearly as sad as it had been when he had seen her earlier that morning. She almost seemed happy. Deep in the recesses of his heart, he began to hope that maybe he was, at least in part, the reason for this change.


	8. Chapter 8

_Just wanted to say thanks to those who have read this story so far, and thanks to those who have reviewed. Especially Ditte3. You are very kind. This is a tough story for me, as there are a lot of emotions that are happening in every characters life, and I want to convey them. I also hated to have Bobby die, but as I said before, this story has played in my brain and screamed to be written. So anyway, I hope that I will be able to give you the picture that is in my head, and i hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Don't worry, "...joy comes in the morning..."_

Sue had not wanted to come tonight, but for some reason, Jack had been persistent. For the last two years she had basically lived her life and he had lived his. Normally, if he asked her to do something with him, she would refuse, and he would go about doing it without her. But tonight, he had insisted that she go with him. When they talked, it was normally to fight, and she did not have the energy to fight tonight, so she had donned the appropriate attire, and had joined him as he was heading to the car.

Not one word had been spoken since they left the house, but she sensed that there was something different about him. He seemed less angry than he had recently. Several times on the way, she had seen him glancing at her, an unusual look in his eyes. In some part of her brain it intrigued her. Made her feel good that he seemed to be noticing her. The other part of her was infuriated. The fact that he wanted her to come tonight was surely so that the rest of the team would assume they were the happy couple that everyone remembered. By the time they stopped in front of the restaurant, she was wishing she had fought him, and not come.

Lucy and Kevin were already waiting, and Lucy greeted Sue with a hug. Lucy had been such a good friend to Sue, but recently they had grown apart. In fact, Sue could not think of anyone that she had not grown apart from recently.

As she saw Tara and Myles walk in, she was acutely aware of the rift between her and Tara. A wave of sadness washed over her, as she wished she could run the other way. Tara came and hugged her, but Sue knew it was only because she felt she was supposed to. She hugged her back wishing she could tell her how sorry she was that she had been with Bobby that day. Knowing that it was all her fault that Bobby had died. If Sue had been anywhere else, Bobby would be alive, and Tara would have a husband to raise her son with. The guilt that tore into her heart as she watched Tara nearly suffocated her.

Sitting down beside Jack, she dreaded the evening. Even though this group always tried to keep her in the conversation, there were always times they forgot. Sue knew that this evening would be no different. Although, tonight she was not sure she wanted to be involved. They would be reliving memories. Memories she thought were best left forgotten. If she could forget, maybe the pain would go away.

Tara sat right across from Sue, and as she looked up at Tara, she noticed something in her eyes. She seemed peaceful. How could Tara be peaceful. She had lost as much as anyone that day, and yet her eyes showed a contentment that Sue could not understand. When Tara looked up Sue wanted to avoid her, but Tara caught her gaze and held it. There were tears in both of their eyes when Tara signed, "I miss you Sue." It was so unexpected that it nearly did Sue in, but she fought to remain composed.

"Thanks Tara. Me too." At that moment, Myles sat down beside Tara, and the conversation was redirected. Soon they were discussing cases that had long since been solved, and funny things that happened in the bullpen.

To Sue's amazement, every time she thought she was about to get lost, Jack would turn and sign to her. He had not been this attentive for awhile, and it made her struggle to keep her emotions in check. Especially when their friends started reminding them about their "first marriage" and the time that they "made out" at the lawyers office while they were undercover. Each reminder of what she had once with the man beside her, made her heart hurt. She could see from his face, that he too was having a hard time containing his emotions, and she wondered if maybe he could still feel something for her…even though she could not have a family for him. Quickly dismissing this train of thought, she excused herself to go to the restroom, hoping to get herself under control.

Arriving back at the table, several minutes later, she saw that Lucy and Tara looked slightly teary eyes, and Myles seemed to be struggling with emotions. As she sat down, she caught Jack finishing a story about when he and Bobby had trained under Wes, tears freely rolling down his cheeks. When he finished, everyone at the table seemed to pause to remember their friends.

Out of the blue, Sue felt Jack's hand find her own under the table. Not wanting to make a scene, she didn't refuse him as she had earlier in the day. However, she nearly came apart as she felt his thumb rub over her fingers. When the food came, and he removed his hand, she was surprised to she realize that she missed the connection.


	9. Chapter 9

After kissing Samuel's sleeping form, Tara headed to her bedroom. She didn't use the master bedroom anymore. It just didn't seem right. Instead she had changed what was the guest room into her bedroom. It was closer to the nursery anyway, so it worked well, and it got her out of their bedroom. Their bed.

Changing into pajamas, she flung herself on her bed. Thinking back over the day she was surprised that she did not feel completely overwhelmed with sadness. After the service last year, she had cried the whole day. Today she had actually had a good day. The thought of it brought a wave of guilt. How dare she have a good day today? It wasn't right. And with Myles of all people. Their friend. Why had she asked him to church and lunch tomorrow?

Turning towards her night stand, her eyes fell on the scrapbook. Pulling it onto the bed beside her, she opened it gingerly. Pictures of their wedding stared back at her. Pictures of the whole team standing complete, smiling. Photographs of their honeymoon in Australia. Flipping through she found what she was looking for. The letter. He had written it only a few days before the accident. As if he knew. His handwriting stared at her, haunting her. She could hear his voice as she read the words.

"_Hey Beautiful,_

_You know I am not much on writing notes. I hope the fact that I am writing one today will show you how much I care, and maybe give me some brownie points for later! Tara, I need you to know how much I love you. I am so excited that we are going to have a little ankle biter. I love him already. I've already been thinking of names. You know, Jack is my best mate---besides you, of course---and I was thinking maybe Samuel, since that is Jack's middle name, and it happens to be one of my favorite Bible stories. I haven't come up with a middle name, so I guess you can do that. If you like Samuel that is._

_I know what you are saying. It might be a girl. If we have a girl, I hope she looks just like her mum. And you can name her. I don't have any ideas about names for a little Sheila. _

_I've been thinking about finding a desk job. I want to be around to watch my baby grow up. But, I also know that even with a desk job, there are no promises. So, I want you to know, if something happens to me, I love you more than you can imagine. The last couple of years of my life have been the best ever. _

_I also want you to know that I am ready to go. I know where I am going, and all is well between God and myself. My desire is that our children will know the type of personal relationship with Jesus Christ that I have found recently. _

_Whatever happens to me, I want you to be happy. I love you more than anything. Thank you for making me so happy. You are the best wife, my best friend, and so much more. _

_I love you,_

_Bobby_

She had heard about people that had some type of premonition…as if God had given them an inkling of what was coming. Never did she expect it to really happen. Wiping tears off her cheeks she considered his words. He wanted her to be happy. Just as she would want him to be happy if their roles had been reversed.

_It was what she needed to hear tonight. His words…telling her to be happy. That is what she had done today. What she would do tomorrow. Sadness would come, but she would get through it. And somehow, it seemed that Myles had helped her get through it today. As if, through the darkest time in their lives, a bond had developed. Right now, she was grateful for the comfort she felt when he was near. Later she would decipher if there was any deeper meaning, for now she would just enjoy the fact that her heart didn't ache quite as bad as it did this morning._


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a long evening. After the dinner, Jack had hoped maybe they could talk. Since he had heard the song in the car, a passion had grown in him. A passion to find what they had before. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was determined to do whatever it took. At the restaurant, he had thought he might have taken a step forward, only to feel like he took three steps backwards after he arrived home.

He still was not sure how or why it had happened. They had said very little on the way home, and she had headed to their bedroom as soon as she had walked in. The feeling that she was angry with him was confirmed when he followed after her.

"What do you want Jack?" The biting tone in her words caused a reaction in Jack. If she wanted to fight, he would fight.

"Last I checked this is my room too, and I can come in here."

"I mean, what do you want with me? Why do you act like a loving husband in front of them, when you know good and well, it is a lie." She spit the words at him.

"Maybe I don't want it to be a lie. Possibly if my wife ever even tried to talk to me, it would be easier to be a loving husband to her. Have you ever considered that maybe the way I am there is the way I wish I could be here?" Anger overwhelmed him, giving him a boldness to say things that he normally did not express. Knowing as he did that he was saying them in a way that would cause her pain, but at the moment not caring.

"Well, Jack, if I am not the wife you want, I am sure you can go get another one. I see the way women look at you. Why settle for second best." If she had slapped him in the face, it would not have hurt anymore than hearing those words. A lump formed in his throat, and he fought to keep his composure.

"I am going to take Buster for a walk." He knew he was running away, but he felt like he couldn't stay in here.

Grabbing the leash, he heard her voice softly say, "Fine, run away. Just like always." Fighting the urge to argue more, he walked out the door.

For the next hour, he moved through the park as Buster sniffed and played. He was reminded of the many nights that he and Sue had taken Levi for a walk together, each wondering if they were meant to be together. Each realizing they loved the other, but too scared to admit it. Letting his mind wonder, he remembered the cases they had worked together, when someone would mention that they made a cute couple, or the times when they would be thrown together as a married couple. His heart hurt from the memories, and yet, he would do it all again.

When he finally came home, he realized that she was already in bed. Stripping down to his boxers, he sat down in the chair by their bed. For awhile he just watched her as she slept. In his eyes, Sue was the most beautiful woman in the world. That had not changed through the years. Just watching her, his body ached to feel her close to him. But, Jack had fallen in love with more than her outer beauty. He had fallen in love with the woman who felt the pain of others. A woman who had taught him how to truly look at people and think the best of them. Suddenly, as if a light bulb turned on in his brain, he realized that her deep concern for others was exactly what was eating her up inside now.

All at once, his mind recalled when she first came to the FBI. He and Levi had gotten shot, and he remembered that she had been beating herself up for it. He had told her that she was not personally responsible for everything that happened in the world. Clearly, she was still taking responsibility for everything that happened. Tears slid down his cheeks as he realized the pain that must be eating her up inside. Sliding out of his chair, he began to weep as for the first time, her pain became his own.

Without realizing how it happened, he found himself on his knees, crying out to God. Begging God to save their marriage, and to make it better than it had ever been. Asking him to take away the pain that Sue was feeling, and to help him be the husband he should be. Promising God, that if he had a second chance, he would show Sue just how much she meant to him.

It was late when he finally laid down beside her. The need to connect with her was stronger than it had ever been. Hoping he would not wake her, he gently laid his arm around her waste. Her back was to him, but he immediately knew she was awake. Knowing that, he slid closer to her, hoping that she would not be angered. Suddenly, she turned towards him, buried her head in his chest. As if a dam had been broken, she wept, and he held her, until she fell asleep. Silently he thanked God. Getting back what they had lost would not be easy, but from here on, they would work at it together.


	11. Chapter 11

Sue woke up when she felt him get out of bed, but kept her eyes closed for a few more minutes. She knew he would take Buster out for a jog before he did anything else. After a while, she peeked her eyes opened, and realized he was gone. Laying on the bed, she relived the moments from the night before.

After the argument, she had been upset. Though she did not think she could sleep, she laid down anyway. When she woke up some time later, she opened her eyes to see him kneeling beside the chair. Tears were falling freely down his face, and occasionally she could make out a word or two of what he was saying. His lips were not visible all the time, but she knew he was praying for her, for them. It touched a place in her that had not been touched for a long time.

Not wanting to deal with it, she had closed her eyes again, pretending she was asleep, but this time sleep was no where close. A story she heard as a kid kept coming to her mind. It was about a boy who lived in Holland. One day he was coming home from school, and he noticed a small crack in the dyke. Knowing that if it was left unchecked, the waters would flood the whole town, he had put his finger in the hole. He had stayed there until help had come. She realized she was like that boy. Jack had cracked the wall around her heart. Instead of allowing the emotions to tear down the rest of the wall, she had put her finger in the hole. Not allowing anything to escape, thus keeping the walls erected.

However, when he had come to bed, and gently put his arm around her, another leak sprang up. Then he had snuggled closer, and another crack. Finally, she could not fight it anymore. For the first time in two years, she really cried. Letting out every hurt and every disappointment, as well as the guilt. They still needed to talk, but she knew they would.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sue saw Jack coming back towards the bedroom, and closed her eyes again. Waiting for a few minutes, she gave him time to get in the shower. She knew that he had held himself back last night. The reaction to her closeness had been apparent, but he had not acted upon his desires. He had just held her. Today, it was her turn to build a bridge.

Quietly, she slipped out of bed, and peaked in the bathroom. He was in the shower already, just as she expected. Removing her gown, she opened the shower door and stepped in. The surprise on his face was both humorous and sad. At one time, he would have not been surprised at all.

It didn't take long for the shock to change into a burning passion. They spent a while in the shower, then moved to the bed, where they stayed in each others arms all morning. Neither seemed to mind that they had missed church.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey Ditte3. Thanks for the comments, and the kind note. Sorry this took me a few days to get up. I will try to get another chapter tomorrow. Hope it doesn't disappoint._

Myles sat quietly, amazed again at how much he had enjoyed today. He, Tara, and little Samuel had spent the morning at church, which Myles found both comforting and difficult. After morning service, Tara had made lasagna, which was Samuel's favorite. Together they had laughed as the boy nearly covered himself completely in tomato sauce in his enthusiasm. Tara had bathed him and put him down for his nap, and then the she and Myles had spent the afternoon watching old Sherlock Holmes movies. Currently, he was being entertained by Samuel's class standing in front of the church singing "Jesus loves me" in a way that made everyone smile.

Looking at the child, he was amazed at how they had bonded in the last couple of days. Myles had never considered himself to be good with children. In fact, he had never really known what to do with kids. But there was never a loss with Samuel. From the instant he had seen him, he felt a connection. Even now, his heart swelled with pride as he watched him sing. Somehow, this little child had a place in Myles' heart that could not be explained, and Myles was enjoying it.

Of course, there was something else happening to Myles' heart, besides the boy. Glancing beside him, he realized that Tara was becoming a friend like none he had. It seemed she filled in him a place that was had been vacant for the last couple of years. Actually, looking back, Myles wondered if that part of his heart had always been vacant. What took him by surprise was that Tara seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers.

Shifting in his seat, his hand moved to the back of the pew. He had not really intentionally put it around her, but once it was there, he did not remove it, and she did not seem to mind. Casually, he felt her move ever so slightly towards him. It surprised him when he felt his heart dance a funny rhythm in his chest. Feeling mildly emboldened, he moved his hand so that it rested lightly on her shoulder. Neither moved anymore, but he could see from Tara's face that the emotions he was feeling were reciprocated.

After the service was finished, the kids donned costumes, as many of the adults walked to their parked vehicles and opened their trunks. Most trunks were decorated like stories from the Bible, or fall scenes. Myles was impressed at the amount of work many of them must have done to make this evening special for the children. The kids moved from trunk to trunk, filling their bags with candy and goodies. Samuel took one of Myles' hands and one of Tara's, and together they took him to each trunk. It struck Myles that to an outsider it appeared that they were a happy family. For some reason, he savored the idea.

"You mind going on a hay ride?" Tara asked as they finished with the last trunk.

"Not my normal evening out," Myles winked, "but I am up for expanding my horizons."

Myles' helped Tara into the wagon, then lifted Samuel into her arms. Finally, he joined them, and took a seat beside her. Samuel was sitting on her lap and he seemed fascinated by sights around him. Giggling and pointing as they went. At one point, the wagon went over a large bump, jostling everyone inside. Immediately, Myles' put one hand beside him to anchor himself to the bench, and then reached out to help Tara keep hold of the young boy in her arms. His hand touched hers, and electric currents ran through his body. As if the current was too great to fight, he let his hand linger on hers for a moment. Their eyes met, and then her hand moved into his. Together they finished the ride, hand in hand. Myles reveled in the feel. His heart swelled at the thought that she was holding the hand that was scarred, and she did not seem to be bothered in the least.

After buckling Samuel into the car seat, they set off to a nearby restaurant for some dinner. When they had settled into a booth, Tara looked up at him. "Thanks for the last couple of days. I wasn't sure how yesterday would go, but you made it nice." In typical Tara fashion, she blushed slightly, raising her eyes as she talked, but keeping her head bent slightly forward.

"It is I who should be thanking you. I too was concerned about yesterday, but I must admit to you that it was the best day I have had for the last two years. Possibly longer. Only to be surpassed by today. So, I thank you, Tara." As he spoke, he hoped he could somehow express to her the amount of gratitude that he felt for her.

Suddenly, he was struck by the fact that they had no plans to see each other for the rest of the week. Desperation filled him. He had to think of some reason to see her. He would be here until Friday, and he wanted nothing more than to fill his week with this woman in front of him. "Um, would you mind if we got together again sometime this week." As he spoke the words, he tried to sound casual, though he would have gladly begged her if need be.

"I have to work tomorrow, but maybe we could do something tomorrow evening. I mean, if you want." She had responded quickly, and he wondered if she was as eager to see him again as he was to see her.

"Tomorrow would be great! I can meet you at your house if you would like, then we can get some supper, and take Samuel to the park or somewhere."

"I would like that." Her voice became quiet, and she seemed on the verge of tears. He was unsure what he did wrong, but wanted to fix it immediately. Reaching across the table, he touched her hand softly.

"What did I do? Have I upset you?"

Looking up into his eyes, he saw a single tear slip out. His hand was still resting on hers, and he felt her move so that she could hold it loosely. "No Myles, you did nothing wrong. It is just, well, I have not dated much since Bobby died," her cheeks reddened again as she quickly added, "not that we are dating. But the few times I did go out, the men have always expected me to get a babysitter." She glanced over at Samuel who was coloring contentedly, seeming to be unaware of the conversation. "For the last two days, you have done everything to be accommodating to us. Samuel and I, well we are a package, and sometimes people don't think about that."

"Tara, I love spending time with Samuel. I am sure it is a surprise to you, as it is to me, that he seems to like me. I am not sure what it is about this kid, but I love being with him….almost as much as I love being with you." He spoke the last words rather quietly, just as the food came. Their eyes lingered for a moment, then Tara began helping Samuel with his macaroni and cheese. Occasionally, through the meal, he would find her watching him, as if she were seeing him for the first time.

Myles was unsure of what to think of all this, but he was sure of one thing. Something was happening between them. Suddenly his mind reached out to a long ago memory of an amusement park. His friend had finally gotten him on a roller coaster, and he remembered the feelings of terror and exhilaration. Maybe this would be a roller coaster ride, but for now, he was ready to strap into the seat and enjoy the ride.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Thursday, and Tara was surprised at all that had happened this week. If someone would have told her even two weeks ago, that she would have spent the whole week with Myles, she would have laughed. It was not that she and Myles had not been friends before. Truth be told, Tara had often enjoyed Myles way of looking at things. To be sure, he always had a slightly different way of approaching things than most people she worked with, but that made him an invaluable member of their team. She had seen him truly grow as a person during the last few years she had worked with him, and she had come to admire him as an agent and a friend. After the accident, she saw him very infrequently. There was never a time when she did not enjoy meeting up with him, but not until this time did she feel a deep sense of sadness that it would soon be over.

It had been this sentiment that had caused her to suggest that they stay in touch with each other after he went to New York. "I can set up a private chat area on your computer, so whenever we are both on we can talk without being interrupted." she had mentioned the night before after they had enjoyed a home cooked meal, which he had prepared.

Even now, remembering his face when he replied made her nearly laugh. Very somberly, he had admitted, "I know nothing about computers." His cheeks had a deep tint of red as he spoke, obviously embarrassed. "I know enough to get my work done, but I never use the internet. I have never been on a chat room. I don't even have email."

"You have come to the right place then. I happen to be very good with computers," she smiled at him sweetly. "In fact, some say I am a genius!"

When she had looked up into his eyes, she had been surprised at what she had seen. As if his very soul was open, she saw a deep respect and admiration. With little warning, he had reached and touched her face, and with a low voice had said, "They would be right. I have always known you were a genius, but to be honest, I am quite amazed at the many other attributes I see in you."

Even thinking about it, the day after, it made her heart flutter in her chest. Truth be told, for the last week, her heart had been doing a lot of strange rhythms. There had been little intimate contact. A few times holding hands, an arm around her at church, then touching her face. Just a few simple gestures, but all of them had worked together causing a desire for more. In fact, she had to fight the desire to kiss him on more than one occasion.

Looking toward the mirror, she straightened her hair, and checked her appearance. Happy with the light blue blouse and black jeans, she hoped he would appreciate the way she looked in them. It still took her by surprise a little that she would think that way about Myles, but she knew something was happening between them, and she had no desire to stop it.

Hearing the doorbell, she rushed to answer it, hoping it would not wake Samuel. "Hey Tracy." She greeted her sister as she opened the door. "Thanks for babysitting. I should be home early."

Tracy's hand fell on Tara's arm, "Tara, don't be home too early. I am happy to spend time with my nephew. Besides, it is nice to see a little perk in your step. Want to tell me about this guy. Myles right?"

Feeling her cheeks warm, she smiled shyly. "He and I have been friends for a long time. In fact, he worked with me before the accident. He was Bobby's partner." She waited as the surprise look on Tracy's face changed to understanding.

"Does that bother you? That he and Bobby were friends?" Tara was grateful to a sister who was truly concerned, and yet rarely tried to pry.

"Not as much as I thought it would. In fact, it has been somewhat comforting. We both miss Bobby. Both have our own memories of him. We don't talk about him a lot, but when we do, I don't feel like he is pitying me. I still sometimes feel a little guilty, but I know that Bobby would want me to be happy. He would probably laugh to think that Myles is the one who is making me happy, but I think he would approve." As she finished, she felt like she had said too much. Maybe she was reading more into this whole thing than Myles was really feeling. Shaking her head slightly, as if to clear it, she started putting on her jacket. "Samuel is sleeping, but should be up soon. There are some leftovers in the fridge. Make yourself at home."

"We will be fine, Tara. Take your time. Have a nice evening out." Tracy smiled, and reached out to hug her sister. "And, Tara I am happy for you."

With that, Tara walked out. She and Myles had decided to meet at his hotel, because it was closer to the computer store that they were going to. Tonight, she would help him pick out a nice lap top, then they would set it up so that she and Myles would be able to talk anytime they were both on. She would show him how to work everything, and then after dinner, they would say goodbye. The thought of it made Tara feel sadder than she had felt all week, but she refused to think about the goodbyes. Not until it was time.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Thursday evening, and Sue had been surprised at how quickly the week had gone. Recently, weeks had seemed to drag by, but this week had flown. In fact, she had planned all week to have a special dinner for Jack, complete with candles. However, it was now Thursday, and she realized that she had not accomplished it. In fact, since their blissful Sunday, they had both been busy, and had found it easy to go back to life as normal. For so long they had walked around each other, not really paying close attention to the other, that it seemed normal. Thinking back to Sunday, Sue knew she did not want to go back to the life that had been, and so she decided to stop on the way home, and get the fixings for a good meal.

The grocery store was packed, and it took her much longer to collect the items than she thought it would, but finally, she headed towards the house she shared with her husband. Walking in, she was immediately greeted by the smell of Chinese food. Turning quickly towards the kitchen, she was surprised to see Jack standing in front of the table. On it was carry out food, but it was lighted by candles, and their best china was laid out.

He stood there smiling, as she nearly dropped her bags. Seeing her trying to juggle her things, he came over and helped her. "Wow, steak, potatoes, and the fixing for that oreo dessert I like. Maybe I should have called first."

"No, it is fine. I can make this tomorrow. I guess we were just thinking alike." As she looked into his eyes, she felt a strange sensation. One she remembered from long ago, but that had been suppressed over the past years. It was a feeling of overwhelming need for this man standing in front of her. Standing there, looking into his beautiful brown eyes, all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms. Along with that, she felt the need to talk to him. Like they had so many times before, when she had poured her heart to him, or he had poured his out to her. The bond that they had always shared, she now realized, was still there, it had just been buried.

As he took the bags and emptied them, she sat watching him. Truth was, if he had wanted to, she knew he could have found someone else to fulfill his needs, but he had not done that. He had been faithful. Shame filled her heart, and tears filled her eyes as she remembered the unkind words she had spoken to him less than a week ago.

"Sue, you ok?" He was watching her now, and she saw him sign, but said nothing. It was as if she was seeing him again for the first time. Standing in his t-shirt and black jeans, he was amazingly handsome, and her heart fluttered in her chest. "Sue?"

Without speaking a word, she threw herself at him, hugging him with an intensity that she had not known existed. Finding his mouth with her own, she kissed him passionately. She felt his hands caressing her back, playing in her hair. Her hands were busy, pulling at his shirt, finding the bear skin underneath. When they finally pulled apart for some air, he smiled down at her. "Hey, if I had known Chinese food would do this for you, I would have bought it before now!"

"Can the food wait?" She could see in his eyes that he had no desire to eat at the moment either.

"I think that is a great idea." Moving towards the bedroom, they had dessert first.


	15. Chapter 15

Myles sat in the internet café amazed at how much fun he was having. He absolutely loathed computers. Never having worked with them much, he kept away from them. When he worked in the bullpen, he didn't need to know too much about them, because he could always count on Tara. His job now required basic knowledge of certain programs, but not much internet usage. Somehow, he had been able to avoid learning more than necessary. But, now as he sat in the internet café with Tara, he no longer loathed the computer. Rather, he loved it.

They were sitting close together, talking and laughing, as she loaded software on his new laptop. Occasionally, their hands would touch, causing sensations to travel up his arm. The thrill of sitting next to her, made his heart thud harder than it had all day, and he realized with some surprise, that he had never been so affected by a woman's presence.

It was kind of funny really. He had come to DC, expecting a week of seeing his sister and her family. Totally believing that he would deal with the grief all over again, and possibly even have to fight depression. Instead he had spent very little time with his sister, which she was gracious not to seem upset about. Rather, he had spent the week getting to know someone whom he had worked with for years. Realizing things in her that he had never seen before. Building a bond with a small child who had become as much a part of his heart as the woman sitting beside him.

As she sat giving him a tour of the net, and setting him up with a private email account, a conversation he had a long time ago popped in his brain. It had really been more of a conversation Bobby had with D right before Darcy had moved away. As he recalled now, Bobby had asked D how he knew that Donna was the girl he wanted to marry. Dimitrius had explained that Donna had been helping him with algebra when he realized that he was actually enjoying it. It was that evening that D realized he wanted to be there for her, help her enjoy the things that she disliked. Thinking about it, Myles had to admit, that tonight he felt the same way. This woman made even learning the computer fun and exciting, and in his heart Myles knew he wanted to share more than this week with her.

After leaving the café, they had dinner at a small Italian restaurant that had been one of Myles' favorites when he lived in DC. The meal took on a solemn tone as Myles remembered that tonight they had to say goodbye. From the look in her eyes, it was on her mind too.

As they walked towards the car, Myles reached over, enveloping her small hand in his own. "Want to go for a walk?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." The weather was mild for late October, and they walked in comfortable silence for a while. After a while, Myles felt Tara's hand move slightly, and a pang of regret passed through him, as he thought she was going to remove it from his. Instead, she laced her fingers through his own, sending new shivers of delight through his body.

"Tara," Myles voice was unsteady, and he tried to calm his heart. "I want you to know that I have had a really great time this week." Both stopping , Myles turned toward her. "When I came here last weekend, I honestly never expected it to end up like this."

Tara's free hand moved towards his, and he gladly closed his fingers around hers. "This has been the best week I have had in a long time, too." He saw tears pooling in her eyes.

"I am going to miss you--and Samuel. This may seem a bit cliché, but I feel like I have come home. Not just being in DC, but being with you." His confession was surprising, even to him, as he did not plan it. However, he didn't want to take it back. Instead, he wanted to open his heart so she could see all the things he couldn't find the words to say. Without saying another word, he moved his hand from hers, and gathered her into his arms. She responded by wrapping her arms around him, and laying her head on his chest. "Wish I didn't have to say goodbye." He heard his own voice say the words, even as he felt his throat tighten, and tears fill his eyes.

"Me too." Her voice was not much more than a whisper, and he felt her arms tighten slightly around him. For what seemed like an eternity and a brief second all at the same time, they stood holding each other. Finally, they turned and walked back to the car. Tara was quiet on the way back to the hotel, but Myles didn't mind. It seemed they were both overwhelmed by the emotions that had come to life during their brief time together. Sometime during the drive, their hands had found each others again. Tracing his thumb across her knuckles, he smiled again at the thought that she never seemed turned off by his scars. He knew she hadn't seen them all, and he hoped that one day, he could show her, and she would still feel the same way. For now however, he was thankful for what he had.

As they pulled up to the hotel, he longed for the evening not to be over. "Want to come up? It's a suite, so it has a nice sitting area, and I could make some coffee."

"I'd like that. I can't stay long, but a little while would be nice. Although, if you don't have decaf I better skip the coffee. Caffeine this late at night, I would be up until dawn."

Together they took the elevator to his room, and spent the next hour just talking. Finally, it was the time they both dreaded. She had to leave, and he knew it. Standing, he embraced her once more.

"Myles, where do we go from here?" He had asked himself that question more times than he could count in the past couple of days, but he still had no answer.

"I suppose we spend some time getting to know each other better. We can visit. Take it one step at a time. Is that ok with you?"

Looking into the green depths of her eyes, he felt his heartbeat rise. He still had his arms around her, their bodies touching. Tightening his grip, her head inch towards him slightly. Right before their lips met, he thought he heard a small "Yes" in reply to his question.

The kiss lasted only a brief moment, but it was a kiss rich with emotion and promise. Myles pulled his head back slightly, and was grateful to see the smile on her face. They stood together another few minutes, their foreheads touching, just feeling content. Finally, she broke the silence. "I need to go home. Tracy will need to go."

Myles tore himself away from her, wishing he could instead just hold her a little longer. Walking to the desk, he grabbed two boxes and handed them to her. "This one is for Samuel. Tell him I said good bye, and that I will come to see him soon. The other is for you. Just to let you know I care, and to say thank you for this week. Don't open it now. It is for later. For when you miss me---if you miss me." Suddenly he became insecure. Even after tonight, maybe she would go about her normal life and forget about him after he was gone.

As if reading his thoughts, she lay the packages down, and came back to him. Wrapping her arms around his neck she kissed him lightly. "Trust me Myles. I will miss you. Thank you for the gifts, and for how you treated me and Samuel. For the first time since Bobby died, my heart feels like it is alive. All because of you." Without waiting another second, he wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her again. It started innocently, but soon became passionate, and he felt himself being carried away. Pulling himself away, he saw in her eyes the same passion he felt. Taking her hand, then retrieving the boxes that she had laid down, he guided her to the car.

"I will call you when I get back tomorrow. And I will be online every night. I will write to you so much you will think I am stalking you." She laughed at that, even though there were tears streaming down both their faces. Placing a hand on either side of her face, he kissed her tenderly one more time. "Goodbye for now."

"Goodbye." With that she got in her car, and looked up at him for a moment then turned back to the road. Tears of both joy and sadness flooded his eyes, as he watched her car disappear.


	16. Chapter 16

He was pretty sure that the food was going to be less than delicious, but he heated it up anyway. Smiling as Sue walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. The feel of her breath on his neck caused shivers to run down his spine. Turning towards her, he returned her embrace, kissing her lightly on the nose. "Ready to eat now?"

"Yep, I think I have worked up an appetite now." She smiled slyly into his eyes, and he cherished the sight. Watching her as she walked to the table, his heart skipped a beat when he saw she was wearing his shirt. Shortly after they had been married, she had put on one of his old dress shirts, and he had found that she looked incredible in it. Later, he had told her that he thought she was extremely sexy in his shirts, and it had become a private game with them. Many nights, before the accident, he would come home to find her in his shirt, and it never failed to elicit the same response in him. It warmed his heart to realize that she chosen this particular attire now.

They ate together, talking about work, church, and all the other things that they had failed to talk about with each other for so long. After the meal was finished, they cleared the table, and washed the dishes together. It seemed tonight that even washing dishes was an intimate moment, and he realized it was something they had not shared with each other in a long time.

With the kitchen in good repair, he took her hand and led her to the living room. Seated together on the couch, he turned to her, and signed the words that he found so hard. "I want you to know Sue, I am sorry. I have neglected you, and I was wrong." Tears filled his eyes, and he fought to control himself, but he continued. "When I married you, I made some promises that I have not kept. I want you to know that I am recommitting to those promises, but I need your help. I need you to tell me what you need. To show me how to be a better husband. I love you so much."

Her eyes were overflowing too, and he heard that her voice was shaky as she spoke. "Jack, we have both made our share of mistakes. Until this week, I really didn't think I had any reason to stay in this marriage. I had forgotten our vows, and I really didn't want to remember them. I was so angry that I just wanted to forget everything. Jack, I am not sure how you can love me. I have taken everything away from you."

"What did you take away from me?" Jack was truly puzzled by her statement.

"If it wasn't for me, Bobby would still be alive. He died trying to save me. If I walked to the bullpen with you, we would have a baby, you would have your best friend, and Tara would have a husband and father for her child." A sob escaped from deep inside her, and he pulled her into his arms. Up until just the other night, he had never considered how much she might be taking responsibility for all that had happened, but hearing her say it made his heart break. For two years she had carried this burden and he had never once given her a reason to believe that he did not feel she was right.

Pulling her away from his chest, he put his hand underneath her chin, and pulled her face up until their eyes met. "Sue, you are not responsible for what happened. It was not your fault."

"Do you know when I knew I loved you?" This question surprised Jack, as he had no idea where it fit into the conversation they were having now. He simply shook his had. "It was when we were on the case with the boy, Danny, who lost his father, and then almost got you killed. I watched you with him, and I realized that I wanted you to be the father of my children. I wanted to have a family with you. Then when we got married, I realized just how much you wanted to be a father. I remember how excited you were when I told you I was pregnant. Then, in that one moment, it was all taken away. Why did it have to happen?" With fresh tears running down her face, she looked into his eyes, and he saw her broken heart.

"Sweetheart, I don't know why things happen the way they do. I know we live in a fallen world, with fallen people. One man chose to drive drunk, causing that truck to swerve and lose control. I can't give you the answers, but I do know that God is in control. It did not surprise Him."

"That is just it, Jack. Why did He let it happen? He could have stopped it. He could have made it ok." Jack understood where she was coming from. Honestly, he had dealt with this question too. It was an age old question really.

"Sue, I don't pretend to know the mind of God. I have asked these same questions. The only thing I came up with is that we live in a fallen world. A world where people make decisions that are contrary to God's will. God allows that, because He gives us freewill. Those decisions have consequences….even to innocent people."

"But how can He be so cruel to allow our friend and our baby to die. He could have stopped it."

"Sue, it would be cruel if He gave us no hope, but instead He promised us that we would see our baby and Bobby again. Remember, that God Himself gave His own Son. He knows what you feel, because He went through it. Sue, imagine the blessings we have had. Many people never know the love that we found in each other. Some people never have the opportunity to feel a baby growing inside them…to have the excitement that comes from feeling it move. The fact that we are so blessed is the reason we hurt so much."

"I have never thought of it like that. But I am still not sure if I understand it."

"We don't really have to understand it. If we understood God, He would not be God. The Bible tells us that His ways are higher than ours. I know that God has something good for us. He promises us that it is going to work together for our good."

"Maybe we should go see Pastor Mark some. If that is ok. I mean, it might be good to get a third party to help us through some of this stuff." Sue's eyes showed him that she was unsure how he would react to this.

"I would like that. And let's not ever let it get this bad again. Ok?" Her smile showed him that she felt the same as he did. Love overflowed his heart. Putting his hand behind her head, he moved her towards him, and kissed her with passion. "You know, it kind of seems like we are on our honeymoon again. And I really really liked our honeymoon!" He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive way, as they both laughed together.

"Want to watch a movie?" It wasn't exactly what he had in mind, but he decided it would be ok, as long as they were together. She turned on a chick flick, while he sat back to one side of the couch. As she returned, he pulled her down, so that she was sitting against his chest, with one of his legs on either side of her. He kissed her hair, as she snuggled into his body. Closing his eyes he breathed in her scent, and relished the nearness of her body. Wrapping his arms around her, he realized how blessed he was to have this part of his life back. As he sat thinking about how much he loved this woman, he heard her say the words that he had missed hearing for so long. "I love you, Jack."


	17. Chapter 17

_a/n: This is by far the hardest chapter I have written. I hope it came out ok. For me, Myles is the hardest character that I write for_, _so if I don't always get him right, please forgive me. _

_I also wanted to say thanks for all the kind reviews I have gotten. I am honored that you would view my work as something that you would desire to read, and that you would take the time to let me know. I enjoy writing, and this story stuck in my head asking to be written, but hearing from others who enjoy is an experience like no other. _

_As for some of you who are still getting over Bobby being dead, I struggle with that too (glad this is fiction). I struggled with that in this chapter at the end. It is important to me to be realistic, and understand how it must feel to lose someone and then love someone else. My father died when I was young, and my mother has shared some of her own struggle with me, and so it is with that in mind that I wrote the ending to this chapter. _

_Anyway, enough of my rambling....Read on._

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Tara had barely seen her sister off before she tore into the wrapping paper on the rectangular box. She had to admit, as she tore off the ribbon, that it was beautifully wrapped, however, her curiosity overwhelmed her desire not to disrupt the package. He had told her to open it when she missed him, and in honesty she had missed him from the moment she broke contact with him.

Peering inside, she smiled as she saw that Myles had placed two more individually wrapped boxes inside, as well as a rectangular envelope. The words "_Open me last"_ were neatly written in his bold handwriting on the envelope. Picking up the longer, rectangular shaped present inside, she opened it slowly. Deciding to savor each gift. Discarding the silver wrapping paper, she found a black velvet box. Noticing that her hand shook ever so slightly, she laughed quietly at herself. What was she shaking for? Her heart answered her question, even before her mind realized it. Even as she opened the bracelet, she was amazed at how her heart hammered in her chest just seeing a box from a jewelry store coming from Myles.

The bracelet inside was beautiful. One thing she remembered well from working with Myles for so long, was that he had exquisite taste. Looking on the beautiful heart shaped emerald adorning the bracelet, she smiled that his tastes had not changed. Taking the smaller box, she opened it to find beautiful earrings and necklace with the same heart shaped emeralds. Finally, not able to keep from opening everything tonight, she gently lifted the envelope.

Absently, she traced her fingers over the words he had printed there. Carefully, she opened the envelope and pulled out the card. On the front was a picture of a bouquet of red roses, and the words "Thank you" written in fancy script. When she opened the card, two plane tickets fell onto the table in front of her. Myles' handwriting filled the inside of the card, and she focused on his pristine handwriting.

"_Tara,"_

She stopped there, remembering how he said her name with a hard "ar" sound rather than the "air" sound that most people said. He had always done it, but she had not thought anything of it until this trip. Now, it seemed as if it was his own private name for her, and it thrilled her to hear him say it.

"_I hope that you like the few surprises I put in this box for you. This week I have felt a piece of me live that I never thought would ever live again. This card says "thank you" on the front because I am forever grateful to you, my dear Tara. _

_When I saw the emeralds in the jewelry store, I immediately thought of your eyes. In those stunning green eyes, I have found strength that I have never seen in any other person. It is beyond my scope of understanding how I could have worked with you for so long without really observing those resplendent eyes. _

_The shape of the emerald is a heart, which puts me in mind of the heart of a woman who has lost so much, and yet never ceases to love. This week I have seen a devotion to your son that goes above simply being a great parent. Watching you, I have seen a love for others that has caused me to be ashamed of my own failings. _

_In this card, you find two plane tickets. They are open ended. I chose these because I want to see you again. I want to see Samuel again.. No date is set because I want to see you any day, any time. You will notice that the tickets are for first class. Simply stated, you are first class. You deserve the best. _

_Words can not express what you have given me in one short week. I am deeply indebted to you. Normally, I am one to pay my debts quickly, and thoroughly. This debt will haunt me forever, and yet, I will work to pay it for as long as you permit me. _

_Forgive me if I am being too brash. Though many people would call me verbose, I am normally much more subtle when it comes to my feelings. For you, I am laying open my heart as I have never done before. My hope is that it is not too much._

_Myles "_

Tara read the card several times, tears rolling down her cheeks, feeling emotions that she had not felt in a long time. At a different time in her life, this kind of note would have scared her off. However, knowing Myles as she did, she knew this card had to have been hard for him to write. Opening his heart was not something he would do without much contemplation. It was a gift he gave her that money could not buy.

Looking towards her clock, she realized it was too late to call Myles. Heading straight for her computer, she felt like she had to connect with him, even if it was only via email. Logging onto the internet, his name popped up immediately. He was online.

Tara: Fancy meeting you here.

Myles: Couldn't sleep. How about you?

Tara: Been doing some reading.

Myles: Anything interesting?

Tara: Yes.

Myles: Did I say too much?

Tara: No. I came on to write you an email. To say thanks. For everything

Myles: You are most welcome. Though, you have no reason to thank me.

Tara: I miss you.

Myles: I miss you too.

For the next thirty minutes they talked together before they told each other goodnight. As Tara laid her head down that night, she realized that she wanted someone to hold her. And for the first time since before she was married, she found that the person who captured her imagination was not Bobby. Though she would always love Bobby, and he would have a place that no one could fill, she knew that tonight, she longed to be held by a blond haired, well-spoken FBI agent.

Sleep did not come quickly, as Tara cried into her pillow for all she had lost. For the guilt she felt for moving on. And for the new love that was blossoming in her heart. Greif, guilt and joy all vying for attention, but she was determined to choose joy.


	18. Chapter 18

A month had gone by, and Myles felt an ache in his chest. More than anything he wanted to see Tara and Samuel. Every day they wrote emails back and forth. Samuel would often get on the web cam in the early evening, and make funny faces at Myles. Or just wave. Myles loved those moments. Then each night, after she had put Samuel to bed, they spent some time on the phone and the internet. As the days and weeks passed, Myles became more convinced that this relationship was what he had waited for his whole life.

Thinking back over the month, he thought of many of the discussions they had. Many of them filled with tears, as they talked about things in their past. Many of them filled with laughter. Only two weeks ago, Myles had told her about the church service he had gone to, and how he had committed his life to Christ.

It had been Bobby who had showed him that there was something to Christianity, for when Bobby announced that he had believed on Jesus, he had changed. Immediately. Shortly before the accident, Myles had asked Bobby about it, and they had together walked through God's love for us. He had explained clearly to Myles that God loved us enough to send Jesus to die for us. Myles remembered feeling a bit self righteous. Day after day he saw the worst of the worst. Feeling that he was much better than others, he would obviously be good enough to go to heaven. Then Bobby had explained that we don't get to judge ourselves by other people, but instead by God Himself. We all fall short of God's standard. Those words had pricked his heart, and they had weighed on him.

Just two weeks ago, Myles had gone to a church on Sunday morning. The speaker reminded him of the words Bobby had told him so long ago. Listening closely, the pastor explained that we are in a pit. The pit is so deep that we can not climb out alone. "Many people believe that Jesus put a rope into the pit, so that we could climb out." The man's voice continued. "However, what really happened is Jesus jumped into the pit, took us and carried us out." In that moment, Myles had almost felt the walls of the "pit" closing in around him. When the service concluded, he had gone to the pastor, and they had prayed together. Immediately, he had gone to his car and called Tara. She had shared with him earlier how she had received Christ after Bobby had died, and he knew that she would want to know.

From that moment, it seemed that everything about Myles' life changed. Even the relationship with Tara. Somehow, their hearts were more connected than they had ever been, and the need to be with her tripled. The relationship they shared was different than any he had ever had with a woman before. They both were completely honest with each other, telling each other of their struggles, their emotions, and exactly what they were feeling for each other. Being completely transparent.

Today, being Friday, he had hurried home after work, hoping she would be there waiting on the internet with Samuel. But she was not there. He had gone to his room, and changed into a short sleeve t-shirt, and a pair of shorts. He would never wear this if he were to see anyone, still feeling self conscience about the scars, but tonight he would be alone, so he made himself comfortable.

Sitting back down at the computer, he decided to write her a note. But before he could get started there was a knock on the door. Walking to the door, he opened it slightly, and with a shock that he could not disguise found Tara and Samuel, in person. Forgetting his attire for the moment, he threw open the door, pulled Samuel into his arms, then reached over to place a kiss on Tara's cheek. Suddenly he remembered. She had never seen his leg. Or the scars on his arm. Dropping the arm that was around her, he wondered if she would run when she saw him. But she seemed not to notice.

"You going to let us in?" Her voice made his heart tap dance into his throat.

"I'm sorry. I forgot my manners. Come on in. Let me take your jackets. I will be right back." Heading towards his room, he grabbed a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. When he moved back into the living room, he felt more at ease, although he knew by the look on her face that they would talk about this later.

For the next two hours they laughed, played with Samuel, ate pizza, and enjoyed each others company. Samuel finally fell asleep on the floor, and Myles picked him up and put him in the guest room.

When he walked back into the room, she was waiting for him. "Myles come sit down." He walked over slowly and sat down. "How bad are the burns?" The quiet tone of her voice showed a depth of care that he had known from no one before.

"The scars go up my arm. My chest is completely covered."

"Can I see them?" Fear grabbed at his heart as he wondered what her reaction would be. He nodded his head, but made no move to show her. Gently, she lifted her hands, and began unbuttoning his shirt. The intimacy of the moment made it hard to breath. The fear of her disgust made it hard to sit still. Yet, the look of love in her eyes glued him to the seat.


	19. Chapter 19

By the time she got to the third button, Myles entire body was trembling. Looking into his eyes, she stopped what she was doing, and laid her hands on his chest. "I will stop now if you want me to." His blue eyes showed a fear that she had never seen from him before.

"You have to see them." His voice was so low she could barely hear it. With her hand on his chest, she could feel his heart beating hard and fast. Before moving her hand, she placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"I am not going anywhere." Hoping to show him that what was underneath that shirt was not going to scare her, she found the next button. Bit by bit she opened his shirt, and then slid it off his shoulders. The sleeveless undershirt hid much of his chest, but she saw the burns that ran over the entire length of his right arm. Touching them softly, tears pooled in her eyes. "Do they still hurt?"

"No. It feels different than the other arm, but it is not painful now." His eyes were trained on her as he spoke. They seemed to be asking the question that he would not voice.

Before answering, she moved her hands to the bottom of his t shirt, and began pulling it up. As he lifted his arms to allow her to remove it, she thought about how intimate this all seemed. She had never felt this close to anyone besides Bobby, and she was not sure that they had even shared anything that brought the kind of emotions to the surface that this act did.

After she set his shirt down beside them, she allowed her hands to move across his bare chest. Taking in the severity of what had happened that day. Knowing that burns are intensely painful, she could not imagine the amount of torture he must have gone through. Her heart felt like it was torn in two, as she imagined what he must have suffered. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she lifted her head to look into his eyes once more. No words were exchanged. Instead, she did the only thing she could think to do. Wrapping her arms around his neck,she kissed him passionately. Showing him the only way she knew how that she was not turned off by these wounds.

Their tears mingled together as they continued kissing for some time. Finally, he pulled away. "Tara, there is one more thing you haven't seen." Putting his finger up, he let her know to wait there for a minute. He walked towards his bedroom and then came back. He had changed into a pair of shorts, and he had replaced his shirt. Sitting beside her again, he looked down at his leg. Tara immediately moved her hand to the place where the prosthesis met what was left of his natural leg, slightly above his knee. Placing his hand over hers, she felt him tremble slightly. Finally, he began to unstrap the attachment. When he finally pulled it off, Tara had to keep herself from gasping. It was hard looking at it for the first time. Realizing all that he had been through. Desiring to show him that this would change nothing, she placed her hand on the stump of his leg.

"Thank you for trusting me Myles. For showing me." It was all she could say, but she meant it. She needed him to know that she loved him no matter. As this thought rattled around in her mind, she wondered at that. She loved him. As sure as she loved Bobby, she loved Myles Leland the Third. Before she had time to voice it, he placed a gently kiss on her lips.

"Tara, I love you."

"I love you too."

Feeling complete, she cuddled up next to him, as they sat back on the couch. Not much was said, but the silence was comfortable. Slowly the emotions of all that had transpired began to cause Tara to become extremely tired. "I better go. We are going to stay in the hotel across the street."

"Please stay here. You and Samuel can have the guest room. I will be a gentleman, and we will have every waking moment together." His pleading and her desire not to leave, over rode her good judgment.

'Ok, but I warn you. I don't know if I will be able to leave at the end of the weekend." She smiled up at him, only half joking.

"You can stay here forever." As he leaned in to kiss her again, she knew that she would like nothing better than to stay here, in his arms, forever.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: The orphanage in this chapter is real. It is called The Door of Hope orphanage. I do not own it :). The information about the orphanage itself as well as the reasons it began, are all true to the best of my understanding. As for the actual adoption process, I may (if Sue and Jack choose to go that route) embellish._

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"Jack, can I see you in my office before you leave?" Dimitrius' was stopped in the doorway, on his way back down the hall. His face seemed at ease, so Jack knew it was not something seriously wrong.

"Sure. Just give me a minute." He replied, as D shook his head and moved into his office.

Within a couple of minutes, Jack was seated in the supervisors office, watching as D opened a drawer, pulling out several colorful, brochures.

"You remember last year, when Donna and I went on that missions trip?"

"Yeah. South Africa, right?" Jack was puzzled by where he was going, but waited with interest.

"Right. We went to Johannesburg. We were there to help with repairs at an orphanage there. Both Donna and I were impressed and overwhelmed with all that we saw. We even talked about adopting one of the children there, but after praying about it, it seemed God closed the door for us. The other night, after we went out with you and Sue, Donna and I talked about the possibility that God led us there for a different reason entirely."

Jack was still wondering where this was going, but for some reason his heart began to beat slightly faster.

"In Johannesburg alone, it is estimated that 40 to 50 babies are abandoned every month. Because of that, one of the churches there inserted a 'hole in the wall', so that women could leave there babies there, anonymously, rather than leaving it in a shoe box to starve to death. They have saved many babies' lives. It is an incredible ministry. The other night, Donna and I both thought of it when we were talking to you and Sue. I don't know how you feel about adopting, but I have spoken to the director of the orphanage, and he would like to talk to you if you are interested."

D handed Jack the brochures, and Jack let his eyes fall on the pictures of the babies and toddlers. His heart nearly stopped as he looked into the eyes of children who had no home. D's voice interrupted further thought. "I have written the director's number on the back of that paper. There is no pressure, but I wanted to give you the information."

"Thank you . Sue and I will definitely talk about it. To be honest, we only recently started talking about adoption. We had not talked to anyone about it, as we were not sure. I appreciate the information." Jack knew his voice and face were a picture of shock as he stood to leave.

"Have a good weekend, Jack." D called as Jack walked towards the elevator.

Walking into his house, he was greeted by the most beautiful woman he had seen in his life. "Hey," he said as he moved in to give her a kiss. They had planned an evening out, and Sue was dressed in a black dress that made her look incredibly sexy. "You know, when you look like that, I don't really want to take you out."

"You're not getting out of it that easy Jack Hudson." She replied right before she kissed him back.

Jack headed to the bedroom to change, and was ready in minutes. As they walked out the door, Jack was excited and a little scared. He had thought about D's words all the way home, and the more he considered it, the more he felt like this was the right thing to do. At a stop light, he had picked up the brochures again, and again he had felt drawn to the children on the page. Opening the car door for his wife, he felt the same as he did the night he asked her to marry him. A little apprehensive, and very excited, and very sure that God had brought them to this point.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Thanks to all of you who have responded to this story. I am grateful for all who are reading it, and even more grateful at the thought that some of you are spreading the word about the orphanage mentioned here. I heard about Door of Hope a few years ago, and it touched my heart. What a great blessing it is to see God's hand at work through this ministry. I also wanted to mention that Jack tells a story in this chapter that is not mine. In fact, I heart it several years ago, and I repeated it as best I could remember. I don't know the family, but it was on a radio show I was listening to called Focus on the Family. As the orphanage touched me, so did this story. I may not have all the facts exactly right, but I tried to remember it to the best of my ability. Anyway, hope you enjoy._

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The dinner was going nicely, but Sue knew something was on his mind. After they had both ordered desserts, he finally got around to opening up to her. "Have you thought any more about adopting?" The question caught her completely off guard.

"Actually, I talked to Lucy and Tara about it when we got together last weekend." She smiled at the thought of them getting together like old times. It had taken a few minutes to get past the awkwardness, but they had talked through it, and soon found the same bond that they had shared when they worked together. "Tara was telling me about an orphanage that she had heard about." She was not prepared to tell him a lot about what they had talked about. She wanted to hear what he was thinking about first.

"D called me in his office this evening and gave me some information on an orphanage he and Donna visited last year. He thought we might be interested." As he spoke, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out one of the brochures. "It is called the Door of Hope. It is in South Africa, and just look at these kids." She laughed as his lips moved so fast she could barely keep up. Her laughter died in her throat as she took the brochure.

"This is the same one that Tara told me about. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I decided to pray about it. I guess I needed a sign. Seems I got one." She looked up at him, and saw he was as overwhelmed as she felt.

"D gave me the director's number. If you want, we can call them Monday." The eyes looking into hers, were full of excitement, which warmed her heart, even as a thread of worry ran through her.

"Are you sure we can handle this? What if we don't bond with them, or if they never get used to us?"

"Sue, I heard a story one time…a long time ago, but when we started thinking about adopting, I thought about it. It was about a couple who wanted to adopt, and had tried, but several adoptions had fallen through at the last minute. They were devastated, and were afraid of trying again. Then, one day they received a call from a friend, who had a friend whose child was pregnant. Anyway, through it all, they prayed about it, and decided to adopt this baby. When the baby was several months old, she started to crawl, and suddenly the woman realized that God had molded this little baby for her to raise. You see, when the woman was a child she had crawled in a funny way, always dragging one leg behind her. It had been a joke as she grew up, as no one in her family ever saw another kid do that. But this little adopted child, when she started to crawl, she dragged that same leg the same way. Sue, I believe that God has a perfect child for us, and that He will work out the rest. What do you think?"

"I say, call the director." There were tears in both their eyes as Jack stood and came over to her. Lifting her to her feet, he hugged her close, and then kissed her. As the waitress came back with dessert, he went back to his seat. Their hearts were full as they both remembered all that God had brought them through, and both sat thinking about a little baby somewhere that God had designed especially for their family.


	22. Chapter 22

Never in his life did he remember a better weekend. Having Tara and Samuel with him all weekend had proven to be the best gift he could have ever received. As he sat waiting for Tara, who had gone to take a shower, he closed his eyes and remembered.

Saturday had been very cold, so they had found an indoor play area, and spent most of the morning playing. Tara had sat by quietly as he and Samuel had run around together. Myles had tried to get in some of the tunnels, but that had been more difficult than he first imagined. Samuel, however, had not seemed to mind.

After Samuel went to bed on Saturday evening, Tara had made hot chocolate, and they had played chess together. Not the most romantic game in the world, but Myles found it extremely enjoyable. As always, he was in awe at the woman who had captured his heart. He had known for a long time that Tara was extremely smart, but listening to her, and watching her, he was astounded by how gifted she truly was.

After a couple of games, they had retired to the couch, watching a movie and snuggling together. Although they kissed some, they both were very careful not to let things get out of control. With Tara staying in the guest room, they knew it would be easy to make a mistake they would regret later. The depth of their feelings for each other breeding a passion that they both knew had to be contained.

Since the moment on Friday evening when Tara had accepted him, scars and all, Myles had found the relationship had taken on a more serious tone. He had known they were headed into a serious relationship even before that evening, but since then it was as if their bond had deepened ten fold. No longer was there a moment when he considered his life without her and Samuel. He knew, beyond doubt, that he would spend the rest of his life with them, and he was excited about the prospect.

A chuckle escaped his lips as he remembered going with Tara to pick Samuel up from his Sunday School class earlier. One of his little friends had been picked up by his dad right in front of them, and the youngster had run to his father with a happy grin saying, "Daddy" quite excitedly. As Samuel caught sight of Myles and Tara, he ran to Myles, putting his arms around his leg and squealing, "Myas (his way of saying Myles) Daddy!" He was sure he had turned several shades of red, but he honestly loved hearing this little boy equate him with the word Daddy. Concerned that Tara might not be happy about this slip, he had looked at her as he picked up the toddler. Her smile had been bright, though there were tears in her eyes. Pulling her into a hug, he had whispered in her ear, "I love you, Sweetheart, and I love your son. We're going to figure this out."

She had looked up in his eyes and nodded slightly, as Myles guided her to the car. All through lunch he had wondered about the emotions that she must be dealing with, and wanted to talk to her about them, but decided it would be best to wait until she opened up to him.

Coming back to his apartment after lunch, she had put Samuel down for his nap, and returned to find him in a t- shirt and jeans, sitting on the sofa. She had seemed quiet, as she snuggled up to him. Finally, she had turned towards him so that he could see the tears that stained her cheeks. Placing a hand on either side of her face, he had wiped away the tears, wishing he could take away the pain. As he felt her move closer to him, he willingly closed the gap, first kissing away her tears, then moving to her mouth where he kissed her with a passion that came from a love he had never known before.

When she drew back, he saw more tears coming, and he wondered if she was upset with him, until she spoke. "Do you want him to call you Daddy?"

"Yes." The simple answer was all he could muster, though he longed to say more.

"Me too. " Tears still falling, she continued, "I feel so guilty. I dealt with guilt when I first started having feelings for you, but this is different. I want his son to call you 'Daddy'. Is that right? Should I be happy about that?" Myles saw the emotions warring with her soul, and he longed to make it all better, but he didn't know how.

"Sweetheart, I don't know. I feel guilty too. Bobby was my friend, and I feel like I have benefited from his death. It doesn't seem fair. And yet, I feel confident that he would want you to be happy, and he would want the best for your son." He caressed her cheek with his thumb, looking into her green eyes, hoping to find a way to ease her pain. "If you think it would be better for him to call me Myles, I am ok with that. If you want him to call me Daddy, I would be honored. Either way, I want to be part of his life for the rest of his life. I want to spend my life with you and Samuel, and help you raise him. I also want to tell him about the father that he will never meet this side of heaven."

Somehow, she had seemed at peace with that, and together they had laid back on the couch and fallen asleep. Thinking back to those moments, he realized that the conversation was deeper than just what name Samuel would call him. It was a commitment. Admitting to each other that they both wanted the same thing. A future….together.


	23. Chapter 23

_a/n: I have struggled with this chapter, and I am not exactly sure about it. I hope it does not disappoint. _

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He had not heard her move back into the room, and she smiled at the site of him stretched out on the couch, completely at ease. Allowing her eyes to move over him, she quietly realized how handsome he was. It was not the same type of physique that Bobby had, but it nevertheless made her heart skip a beat. She smiled as she took in his sleeveless t-shirt, knowing that it was a sign he was completely comfortable with her now. There was a smile playing on his face, and she wondered what he was thinking about.

On her mind at the moment was what had been on it since this morning at church. Her little boy had called him 'Daddy'. The cutting guilt of actually being happy about that had started to vanish. After the talk they had this afternoon, she was beginning to like the name for Myles more and more. There was no doubt, seeing them together, that Myles did indeed love her son, and Samuel loved him. More than that, Tara loved him, and without a doubt, he loved her.

Deciding to share with him what she was thinking, rather than just standing there looking at him, she walked closer to him. When he still did not open his eyes, she leaned over, placing her lips on his. Slowly, she felt him respond to her touch. Sliding his body over slightly, he pulled her beside him, deepening the kiss. There bodies meshed together, as there was little room on the couch, causing a fire to ignite in both of them. Feeling a need rising up in her, she clung to him, kissing him with a passion that was matched by his own. Her hands found the bottom of his shirt, and she allowed her fingers to travel on the bare skin of his back. Feeling him respond to her touch, she suddenly pulled back. Their breathing was jagged, and the look in his eyes was one of desire and frustration.

"I can't do this much more, Tara. I love you so much." He pulled himself into a seated position, obviously still trying to get a hold of his emotions. Looking her square in the eye he told her the truth. "Right now, all I want to do is take you into my room and make love to you."

"Me too. But we both know that isn't right." Sitting beside him, she held his hand. "You think I should go to a hotel tonight. Would that be easier?"

"No. I would want to follow you there." He smiled slightly. "Tara, I don't want you to leave tonight, or tomorrow or ever. Just thinking about it makes me crazy. More than anything in my life, I want to spend my days with you and Samuel. I want to hold you in my arms at night." Tara watched as his eyes filled with tears and the sincerity of his words overwhelmed them both. "When you leave tomorrow, you will take with you my heart."

"Myles, I don't want to leave tomorrow. I feel like I am being torn in two. " The admission was not news to her, and she was sure he knew it too, but she couldn't stop the heat from rising to her cheeks. When she raised her eyes to meet his, she saw a new determination on his face.

"Tara, I just want you to know that I love every thing about you. You have an extraordinary mind, the biggest heart of anyone I know. You are a fantastic mother, and a great friend. You are beautiful, loving, and everything I have ever wanted in a woman, plus so much more. It is as if you have come along and have given me a piece of my heart that I never really had before. And then there is Samuel," he paused looking towards the door to the guest room "I could not love him more if he were my own flesh and blood. He is the most amazing child I have ever been around, and I love every minute that I spend with the two of you." Reaching over, he kissed her lightly. She could feel him restraining himself from deepening the kiss. His hands moved to cover both of hers as he looked deep into her eyes, as if he were trying to see to her deepest soul.

"My sweet Tara. I had planned to do this later. In my mind I had a great romantic moment, but I can not wait. Before you go home tomorrow, I have to ask you. Will you marry me? I know it is sudden, and that there are logistics we will have to work out. I don't have a ring, but I will remedy that tomorrow if you say yes. I know we will need to ask Samuel---"

Seeing that he was blubbering, she decided to get his attention. Moving her hands from his, she placed them on the back of his head. Pulling his head towards hers, she gave him a kiss that rendered him speechless, just as she had hoped.

"Do I have your attention?" He nodded slowly. "Good. Then I can say Yes. I will marry you. I love you too. I don't care about logistics…I would move here tomorrow to be with you." Without thinking, she moved her hands to his chest, tracing small circles as she talked. "As for Samuel, I don't think you will have a problem getting a yes from him. He loves you too. He has never warmed up to anyone the way he has you." She stopped talking when he moaned, and laid his hand over hers.

"You know you make me crazy!" He smiled though his tone was filled with a passion that she knew he was trying hard to keep under the surface.

"Tell you what. Let's not make this engagement too long."

"Tomorrow's good for me." A grin spread across his face, and for a minute she started to tell him tomorrow was good for her too.

"I love you Myles." Kissing him again, they both settled back in each others arms, soon falling asleep together.


	24. Chapter 24

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…. A time to kill, a time to heal…A time to mourn, a time to dance…"

Tara looked at the verses in Ecclesiastes one more time. The whole third chapter reminded her of the seasons of life, but these phrases jumped out at her. Standing at his grave side, she knew, it was now a time to heal.

"Hey Bobby. I know you are not here, but it helps to talk. Guess I do yabber a bit, just like you always said." She laughed through the tears. "It is time for me to move on, but I needed to tell you that I will always love you. I guess you are in heaven laughing. I mean, Myles of all people. You two were polar opposites. Maybe that is what makes it so special. I can't compare you two against each other. It is like you fill two different places in my heart. I will always miss you, Bobby, but I know Myles and I can be happy. And Samuel adores him." The tears fell more quickly now. "You wouldn't believe Samuel. He is so big. And he is talking up a storm all the sudden. He runs everywhere he goes." Pausing as the words stuck in her throat, it seemed as if a hand touched her. She was the only one in the cemetery, but it seemed as if someone was there beside her…giving her strength. "Myles wants to adopt him. We have talked to your parents. Myles called them in fact. We want them to be part of his life. And Myles has told him a bunch of stories about you. We won't let him forget you. I will never forget you, and all you gave me. And, I will see you again. Until then…" She let the words drift off as she turned from the grave. Walking to her car, she silently prayed for God to let Bobby have a glimpse from heaven. Hoping he would understand, as she drove to her wedding.


	25. Chapter 25

Looking down, he saw his friends gathered around a table. They were laughing, talking about old times. He smiled at how things had changed since the last time they had been together.

First there was Sue and Jack. Those two had loved each other so long. And yet, they had almost lost it after the accident. But now, here they were, on the third anniversary, loving each other more than they ever had before. It was different from this view point. He could see more than just the outside of the person. Instead, he saw their hearts. In those two hearts, he saw a love for each other that would not die. On Sue's lap sat a dark haired little girl. Looking at her from the outside, everyone would know that it was not their biological daughter. But he had see the Father's eyes as he had set this little child into the home of Jack and Sue. It was no accident that Sue had seen her picture and known that was the one.

Looking back, he could see Jack and Sue as they went to pick their little girl up from the orphanage. She had big brown eyes like Jack's, and Jack loved her from the minute he saw her. The workers had been worried about her. Thought she might be mentally slow, but Jack and Sue were not put off by that. They knew she was picked for their family. It had become apparent why when they returned to DC with their little Abigail. He still laughed at Jack's face when the siren had gone off. The sound was ear piercing, as they were right beside the huge truck. Looking at his daughter and wife, they were both oblivious to the noise. Each looking at something behind them, never flinching. It was in that moment that Jack understood what God had done.

He looked back into the present time. Funny, being here, he could see the past just as if it were the present, and yet he knew that was not how they saw. He remembered being constrained by time, and even now, if asked, he could not explain how it was he could see time as they did, and yet, see it as He did. That was life here. Always something to marvel about.

As he looked into their present, he watched Lucy and Kevin. They too had a wonderful relationship, and they were excited for the little ones that would be born to them soon. Number two and three in their brood. Of course, Kevin's daughter, Amanda, though older now, would actually make four.

Dimitrius and Donna sat beside each other, their hands clasped together. D had been one of the major reasons he was here. He had invited him to church, and talked to him on many occasions before he had finally made things right with God. When D got here, he was going to make sure to thank him, and he knew his Father would thank him too.

A young boy came bounding up to him at that moment. "You watching Mommy and Daddy?"

"Yes, there they are. They still miss you, but look they have your sister now."

He laughed as the boy ran past him to continue playing. His eyes followed the boy for awhile, then he returned his gaze upon the people he loved. There was little Samuel. Even now, he could see the Master at work in the child's life. "I will do amazing things with that child," the Master had told him. What more could a father ask for than the Master of the Universe holding their child in the palm of His hand.

Myles and Tara were standing together, ready to announce the news that they were expecting a baby. It was a great day, as the adoption for little Samuel was final today also. The team shared congratulations, and hugs as they marveled at how far God had taken them. But for Bobby, he had always known they would make it through. He had seen God put His hand on each of them. Leading them exactly where He wanted them. He had watched as God had carried them through the hard times, even when they were not aware. On the day when Tara had said goodbye, he had seen the Father lay His hand on her, even as He also held Bobby's hand.

He had always heard, while he lived on earth, that there was no sadness in heaven, and it was true. Even now, he had no desire to go and be with them, for he knew that before he took another breath, they would be here, though for them it would seem like a life time. What he had here, was far more than even the greatest happiness there. His heart was glad for the joy that he saw in them. And soon, they would be here, celebrating with him. The words of God filled his mind, as they always did here. "And we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."

Bobby stood, and took the hand that was offered him. It was scarred by a nail. No one else carried scars here. Bobby knew why. Only His scars were worthy to be remembered. Turning to Him, he spoke the words that he would speak a million times through the ages. "Thank you."

the end

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_a/n: I do not know what heaven is like, and so I can only try to imagine. I played with several other ideas to finish this story off, but these last two chapters were what I came up with. I hope that they touch you, and if you don't know One who bears the scars that are worthy of being remembered, He is waiting for you. This life is but a moment, but He wants an eternity with you. _

_Thanks for reading.  
_


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